Week 3 Story Rook and Justin Avenge Rook's Wife
Updated Story: https://sites.google.com/view/battlesretoldalexlagge/avenging-a-wife
"I'll make him pay for disrespecting my wife" thought Rook. No one through Rook's wife through a coffee table. She was the perfect woman in the world. She was educated; she had graduated from the local community college with her associates degree. She was also an athlete like no other being the captain of her rec lacrosse team. He had to take revenge on none other that his own brother. Rook knew he saw her trip his wife and slam her through the table. An "accident" like that doesn't actually happen on accident. Rook knew that his brother, Sam, was too big and strong for him to fight alone. Sam had been going to the gym no stop and his mass and strength knew no bounds. "Loading his body with that many calories of milk a day was unnatural", Rook thought.
Rook texted Justin and told him to meet him at the gym , Guy Heaven. Sam would be there without a doubt, after all he never missed a day and was addicted to pre-workout. Justin and Rook met up and walked into the gym. The lights were off though which was way out of the ordinary. The smell of the gym was horrific all it smelled like was rotten milk. Suddenly, one light turned on over the lat pulldown machine. There was Sam! "Brother, I sensed you presence and puny arms coming here" mocked Sam. "This is your last chance to apologize" yelled Rook and Justin in unison. "I never did anything wrong brother" Sam retorted, "Why would I throw your wife through my table and cause all of that damage to my $5000 rug?" "It doesn't matter Sam we're taking you down."
Rook and Justin charged at Sam one going left the other right. They had been practicing for this fight the entire week. Sam just stood there and took the hits. "That's it?", Sam shouted mockingly. Rook and Justin attacked him over and over,but Sam would not go down. "This is hopeless", though Rook "he is too strong to beat". Rook knew what he had to do. He pulled out his gun and shot. THUD! Sam's massive lifeless body fell onto a pile of weights. Rook felt terrible, but he had to show no one, not even his brother, would disrespect his wife and live.
Authors Notes: For this story I decided to change the battle between Rama and Lackshama vs Virahda. I changed the characters names and way of battle. I wanted to keep the idea that the battle was over the protagonists wife. I made Sam unbeatable just like Viradha, and I made the protagonists think of an ace up their sleeve to win the battle.
Bibliography: The Ramayana by: Manmatha Nath Dutt
"I'll make him pay for disrespecting my wife" thought Rook. No one through Rook's wife through a coffee table. She was the perfect woman in the world. She was educated; she had graduated from the local community college with her associates degree. She was also an athlete like no other being the captain of her rec lacrosse team. He had to take revenge on none other that his own brother. Rook knew he saw her trip his wife and slam her through the table. An "accident" like that doesn't actually happen on accident. Rook knew that his brother, Sam, was too big and strong for him to fight alone. Sam had been going to the gym no stop and his mass and strength knew no bounds. "Loading his body with that many calories of milk a day was unnatural", Rook thought.
Rook texted Justin and told him to meet him at the gym , Guy Heaven. Sam would be there without a doubt, after all he never missed a day and was addicted to pre-workout. Justin and Rook met up and walked into the gym. The lights were off though which was way out of the ordinary. The smell of the gym was horrific all it smelled like was rotten milk. Suddenly, one light turned on over the lat pulldown machine. There was Sam! "Brother, I sensed you presence and puny arms coming here" mocked Sam. "This is your last chance to apologize" yelled Rook and Justin in unison. "I never did anything wrong brother" Sam retorted, "Why would I throw your wife through my table and cause all of that damage to my $5000 rug?" "It doesn't matter Sam we're taking you down."
Rook and Justin charged at Sam one going left the other right. They had been practicing for this fight the entire week. Sam just stood there and took the hits. "That's it?", Sam shouted mockingly. Rook and Justin attacked him over and over,but Sam would not go down. "This is hopeless", though Rook "he is too strong to beat". Rook knew what he had to do. He pulled out his gun and shot. THUD! Sam's massive lifeless body fell onto a pile of weights. Rook felt terrible, but he had to show no one, not even his brother, would disrespect his wife and live.
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| Sam preparing for the fight by drinking his milk. |
Authors Notes: For this story I decided to change the battle between Rama and Lackshama vs Virahda. I changed the characters names and way of battle. I wanted to keep the idea that the battle was over the protagonists wife. I made Sam unbeatable just like Viradha, and I made the protagonists think of an ace up their sleeve to win the battle.
Bibliography: The Ramayana by: Manmatha Nath Dutt
I really like how you started out with Rook's own thoughts like that, Alex; not only does it plunge us into the action (somebody disrespected his wife!), but into the character's own mind. That whole mix of dialogue and quoted thoughts really brings the story to life. Plus I liked all the little details about his wife were so sweet and so modern, ha ha. And the thing that really made me laugh out loud was the Guy Heaven gym: that is a seriously epic name! But poor Sam: at least Viradha was released from his accursed form when Rama and Lakshmana killed him... but Sam was just dead in that stinky gym, lying on those weights. RIP!
ReplyDeleteThis story is a good example of how the author's note can be important: not all versions of the Ramayana include the story of Viradha, so some of your reasons might not know how the original story goes. When you make big changes to a story, like you did here, it is a big help to your reader to provide a super-quick summary of the original at the start of your note (Viradha was a monster in the forest who tried to kidnap Sita, and...) -- then, after you give the quick summary, you can then explain all the creative changes you made and why.
Woah, Sam sounds like a seriously RADICAL dude. I'm kinda sad that he got shut down. But Rook and Justin also seem like really cool characters. Rook especially. I actually know a guy named Rook, he has diabetes! Maybe from drinking so much milk, lol!
ReplyDeleteNah but seriously, very cool story! Keep it up!
Hi Alex! I like how you took the classic epic story and changed to a modern day story! I also liked how you used the gym as the setting, since based off of your intro, you like to go to the gym! I was not expecting Rook to pull out a gun and kill Sam! I thought maybe Rooks rage would take over and he'd beat the crap out of Sam lol!
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